Crap Jokes

[Kloppster]

Anne Summers outlets are selling a new alcoholic vagina gel that women can rub on their flaps! So now when the guy goes down he can have a bevvy as well!
However anti-drink campaigners want it banned amid fears of 24 hour ***** drinking.

absolute class !

[Blind Melon]

I hate double standards... When a woman buys a rampant rabbit, its seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when I get out my 240 volt Fist-master 5000 electronic latex cunt with high resistance anus, immitation **** dribble & built in realistic rape cry sound system, then suddenly i'm some kind of sick pervert...

[Blind Melon]

Last night, me and my girlfriend were in a bar when some lads came over and started to hassle her. "Aren't you going to help?" she shouted? "what do you want me to do?" I replied. "Knock one out at least" my girlfriend shrieked. "how is me having a wank going to help the situation?" I shouted back

[Blind Melon]

30 years since the Falklands conflict and that lucky ******* Simon Weston doesnt look a day older....

[Blind Melon]

A woman goes to the docs with bruises on her face. Doc asks what has happened? She says "every time my husband comes home drunk, he hits me" Doc says, "when he comes home, take a glass of water & swish it around your mouth, and dont swallow it until he's asleep" 2 Weeks later, she goes back to see the Doc. She says "it's brilliant, but how does the water work? he never touches me now" Doc says "the water does **** all, it's keepin your mouth shut that does the trick"

[JohnOK]

Anne Summers outlets are selling a new alcoholic vagina gel that women can rub on their flaps! So now when the guy goes down he can have a bevvy as well!
However anti-drink campaigners want it banned amid fears of 24 hour ***** drinking.

Best joke of the year so far!

[kev776]

A woman walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks,
'what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going to **** yourself when I tell you the price!"

[Norbs]

All the above are brilliant jokes but top prize for sickness goes to the Simon Weston one

[doogle]

When Jen told me that Davy Jones had died, I thought she was joking

and then I saw her face.

[kop-al-74]

Best joke of the year so far!

When Jen told me that Davy Jones had died, I thought she was joking

and then I saw her face.

And now i'm a bereaver

[Kenneth]

:guiltyhaha:

[Gray]

All these jokes about PC David Rathband need to stop. A man has died for goodness sake, I don't find any of them even Raoul Moatly funny.

[Subby]

I just watched a show where Jamie Oliver said that I shouldnt be afraid to buy things from the 'reduced price' shelf cos I can make a family meal from what I find there......... just hope the kids like their shoelace, WD40 and cat food casserole.

[twistnkuyt]

What's the hardest thing about being a paedo?

Fitting in

[Stanbull]

At school my favourite lesson was PE. I had the biggest cock. I used to stroll around the changing room naked , flicking the weaker kids with my towel whilst pointing and laughing at their little knobs.... Looking back I think that was probably why I was sacked....