Crap Jokes

[Stanbull]

Schools are ****ing hypocrites......

You can't take your kids abroad during term time but the ****ing teachers can!!!

[Norbs]

What's 6 inches long, brown, smelly & you wouldnt want to find in your kid's bed?

Jimmy Saville's cigar.

[Leyton388]

A man is walking down the street when he runs into his friend. But there's something different about him: his friend has an orange for a head.

So the man asks his friend, "Hey man, why do you have an orange for a head?"

And his friend replies, "Well I was digging through the trash and I found a magic lamp. I rubbed it and a genie popped out and promised me three wishes."

The man then says, "That's cool, but why do you have an orange for a head?"

His friend replies, "Well for my first wish I asked to be the richest man in the world, and 'poof!' I had tons upon tons of gold bullion at my feet."

The man shuffles and asks again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?"

His friend smiles and says, "Wait, wait. I'm getting there. For my second wish I wished for the most beautiful woman in the world to be my bride, and 'poof!' there she was, the very likeness of Helen of Troy."

The man, dumbfounded and quite anxious asks once again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?!?"

To which his friend replies, "Well, for my third wish, I wished for an orange for a head."

[Leyton388]

My missus came home drunk yesterday- as she was undressing she stumbled, fell over & passed out. Knickers round ankles & fanny on show.
I thought "No way am I gonna miss an opportunity like this !"
So I went out with the lads.

[G]

My missus came home drunk yesterday- as she was undressing she stumbled, fell over & passed out. Knickers round ankles & fanny on show.
I thought "No way am I gonna miss an opportunity like this !"
So I went out with the lads.

[Stanbull]

BREAKING NEWS.........

A mob of dyslexic parents have just kicked the **** out of Jimmy Somerville

[Kenneth]

It has been reported that a number of dyslexic mums have just attacked Jimmy Somerville.

BREAKING NEWS.........

A mob of dyslexic parents have just kicked the **** out of Jimmy Somerville

[Norbs]

A man is walking down the street when he runs into his friend. But there's something different about him: his friend has an orange for a head.

So the man asks his friend, "Hey man, why do you have an orange for a head?"

And his friend replies, "Well I was digging through the trash and I found a magic lamp. I rubbed it and a genie popped out and promised me three wishes."

The man then says, "That's cool, but why do you have an orange for a head?"

His friend replies, "Well for my first wish I asked to be the richest man in the world, and 'poof!' I had tons upon tons of gold bullion at my feet."

The man shuffles and asks again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?"

His friend smiles and says, "Wait, wait. I'm getting there. For my second wish I wished for the most beautiful woman in the world to be my bride, and 'poof!' there she was, the very likeness of Helen of Troy."

The man, dumbfounded and quite anxious asks once again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?!?"

To which his friend replies, "Well, for my third wish, I wished for an orange for a head."

My missus came home drunk yesterday- as she was undressing she stumbled, fell over & passed out. Knickers round ankles & fanny on show.
I thought "No way am I gonna miss an opportunity like this !"
So I went out with the lads.

Strictly speaking these are too good for this thread

[Subby]

A man is walking down the street when he runs into his friend. But there's something different about him: his friend has an orange for a head.

So the man asks his friend, "Hey man, why do you have an orange for a head?"

And his friend replies, "Well I was digging through the trash and I found a magic lamp. I rubbed it and a genie popped out and promised me three wishes."

The man then says, "That's cool, but why do you have an orange for a head?"

His friend replies, "Well for my first wish I asked to be the richest man in the world, and 'poof!' I had tons upon tons of gold bullion at my feet."

The man shuffles and asks again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?"

His friend smiles and says, "Wait, wait. I'm getting there. For my second wish I wished for the most beautiful woman in the world to be my bride, and 'poof!' there she was, the very likeness of Helen of Troy."

The man, dumbfounded and quite anxious asks once again, "Okay, but why do you have an orange for a head?!?"

To which his friend replies, "Well, for my third wish, I wished for an orange for a head."

ok I'll hold my hands up....I don't get it

[ChesterDave]

It's not that cryptic!

[Subby]

I saw a sweet old lady in the park all alone so I walked over and said "Knock knock"

"Oooh", she smiled, "Who's there?"

"Nobody", I laughed, "All your friends are dead".

[pezzzer]

[ame="http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QK01f5_aKY4"]YouTube - Jimmy Jangle[/ame]

I shouldn't laugh but......

[JohnOK]

I was having a great time at the Nazi karaoke evening.

And then I went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like I love Jews.

[ChesterDave]

For almost a year I believed I was a man trapped inside a woman's body.

Then I was born.

[Gray]

When will these Jimmy savile allegations ever end? Police are now saying that Jeremy Beadle may have had a small hand in it.