Crap Jokes

[Gray]

RIP. SIR PATRICK MOORE
The man was a genius of an astronomer but even he couldn't figure out what the 3 stars on man city's shirt mean !!

[Tee]

Lol hahaha

[baitman]

Things are finally looking up for Liverpool. A new TV deal has left Brendan Rodgers with millions to spend in January. Live games will be shown on Comedy Central, and replays will be shown on Dave.


I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.
"A spa would be nice" she replied.
"Ok" I said, jabbing her in the nose three times, "You'll have to be quicker than that though fatty."

[Vermilion]

A husband frantically calls hotel management from his room."please come fast im havin an argument with my wife and she says she'll jump out of the window of your hotel" The manager replied" Sir that's a personal matter" Hubby replies "like **** it is, the window won't open so that's a maintenance matter"

[ChesterDave]

Told from a female perspective...

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I
have been married for 20+ years. We were
chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.

We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfrie
nd came over and
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ''You are the woman of my dreams.. I love you." Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his
office and I was wearing the leather bodice,
heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a
word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing
the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a
mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the
door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner,
Batman?

[G]

Told from a female perspective...

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I
have been married for 20+ years. We were
chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.

We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfrie
nd came over and
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ''You are the woman of my dreams.. I love you." Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his
office and I was wearing the leather bodice,
heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a
word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing
the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a
mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the
door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner,
Batman?

[ChesterDave]

After the charges against Ian Watkins his band are looking at greatly reduced record sales leading to lost profits

[Red_Polo]

Wrong thread?

[ChesterDave]

Its a terrible play on words about a man arrested for child sex offences. Its where it should be

[Red_Polo]

I know, I just thought it was pretty mainstream. Maybe I've been desensitised

[baitman]

I know, I just thought it was pretty mainstream. Maybe I've been desensitised

where there is blame there is a claim, where there is a grope there is a hope

[Red_Polo]

No glove no love. No spray no lay.

Wow. That was tangential.

[Ams12]

Told from a female perspective...

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I
have been married for 20+ years. We were
chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes.

We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfrie
nd came over and
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ''You are the woman of my dreams.. I love you." Then we made love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his
office and I was wearing the leather bodice,
heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a
word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing
the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a
mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the
door and saw me he said, "What's for dinner,
Batman?

Ahahhaaahhaaaaa batman!!! ****ing hillarious that!!!

[Muddled]

I have been playing Cluedo with my son.

I was very surprised when it turned out to be Ashley Williams, in the Liberty Stadium with a football.

[Fivex]

I have been playing Cluedo with my son.

I was very surprised when it turned out to be Ashley Williams, in the Liberty Stadium with a football.

PMSL