Crap Jokes

[Roboklopp]

Kevin Webster was acquitted an hour ago. He's been quoted as saying "It's fine, I've been feeling Rosey ever since."

[Roboklopp]

They say things come in threes.
First Oscar Pistorious is arrested for murder.
Second Kevin Webster is arrested for being a kiddy fiddler.
& now Olympic swimming star Ellie Symonds has been arrested on a small arms charge!

[kev776]

My wife said to me earlier, "We're going to my mothers on Sunday, and I won't take no for an answer."

I said, "Ok then, how about **** off, I'm not going!"

[Kloppster]

I'm writing this from the hospital. ............Don't worry!

The doctors say I'm going to be ok but I must warn you.

The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name...!

[Yozza]

My wife said to me earlier, "We're going to my mothers on Sunday, and I won't take no for an answer."

I said, "Ok then, how about **** off, I'm not going!"

**** - nearly choked on my peanut m&m

[kev776]

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1961 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell. 'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as
she welcomed Fred in have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?
Lemonade? Iced tea?
'Iced tea, please,' Fred said.
Mum brought in the iced tea. 'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.
'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take
a walk on the beach...'
'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
'Really?' Fred replied, his eyebrows rising.
'Oh yes,' the mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's all they
do! Screw, again and again!!'
'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous.
'Yes,' said the mother. 'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a Picture, wearing a pink
blouse and a hooped skirt and with her hair tied back in a bouncy Ponytail. She greeted Fred.
'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.
Two hours later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front
door behind her.
"The Twist, Mum!" she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. "The f**king dance is called the Twist!!!"

[Gray]

The police have discovered a book of 20 other women Oscar Pistorious had planned on assassinating. They've called it 'Shinless list'.

[5europeancups]

The police have discovered a book of 20 other women Oscar Pistorious had planned on assassinating. They've called it 'Shinless list'.

Groan...

[Gray]

I have to admit when i saw the headline legless sportsman shoots his wife i feared for cheryl gascoigne

[Fan65]

Apparently Fernando Torres wife was locked out of the house last night, she tried to break in through the bathroom, shots were fired but no one was hurt

[Fivex]

Needs more work.

[Tee]

Apparently Fernando Torres wife was locked out of the house last night, she tried to break in through the bathroom, shots were fired but no one was hurt

I really shouldn't, but.....

[bacon]

A young woman is dead, the life of up and coming athlete, Oscar Pistorious, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... I mean pathetic.

[Kloppster]

What do you say to a perverted frog.......
Rubbit !

[frank the tank]

Apparently Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it.