Crap Jokes

[Stanbull]

**** me it's hot today,I'm sweating as much as Neil Lennon's posman

[Subby]

The best thing about the hot weather is all the young girls in short skirts and skimpy clothes.

I do really enjoy a day out at legoland.

[Kinell]

Guy walks into a bar and see's a sign that says: Hand Jobs $10 Ham Sandwiches $5

He says to the gal behind the bar: "Are you the on that gives the hand jobs?"

She says: "I sure am Honey...."

He says: "Well then go wash your ****ing hands because I want a ham sandwich."

[Subby]

Mosquito net: £12
Fresh water supply: £500
A starving African child: Riceless

[Chrono]

Guy walks into a bar and see's a sign that says: Hand Jobs $10 Ham Sandwiches $5

He says to the gal behind the bar: "Are you the on that gives the hand jobs?"

She says: "I sure am Honey...."

He says: "Well then go wash your ****ing hands because I want a ham sandwich."

FLMAO! Love that joke!

[wiw]

Just got home from the World Blindfold Wanking Championship.

I've no idea where I came.

flmao

[Subby]

Kate Middleton's dress has brought tears to the eyes of countless children across the world;

as they are forced to work extra hours to make sure the replicas are available in Primark from Monday.

[Gibbo]

Didn't realise they took the Bins out on a Bank Holiday.

[Gibbo]

I can't believe that I woke up to news that someone had got the chop at the villa and it isn't Gerrard Houllier.

[kev776]

A young woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs . . . a green spot on the inside of each. "They won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse."


The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back. A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.

The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy - - there's no problem. But I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?"
The woman stammers, "Why, yes, but how did you know?"

"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

[Subby]

I went to a restaurant the other day and I noticed that my waitress had a black eye.
I made sure I spoke loud and clear when ordering my food because she obviously had trouble listening......



Bet Al Qaeda are regretting getting Bin Laden that PlayStation Network account!

[kev776]

After the anouncement of the death of "Whispering Ted Lowe" at the Embassy World Snooker Final, there was a minute of polite applause follwed by 5 hours of silence.

[kev776]

Elton John will be releasing a single to celebrate the death of Osama Bin laden, "sandals in the wind"

[Subby]

What have Osama Bin Laden and Maddie got in common?
Both had their back door smashed in before being dumped at the bottom of the ocean.

[kev776]

Even though we both speak the same language, it's amazing how there are some subtle differences between American-English and proper English:

They say "sidewalk" we say "pavement"

They say "pants" we say "trousers"

They say "buried at sea" we say "naked and chained to a metal bed frame with a car battery connected to his bollocks whilst being beaten for answers".