Crap Jokes

[Slinky Skills]

That was so not worth the effort

[Slinky Skills]

My wife said to me "You need to stop acting like a Flamingo" so I put my foot down.

[ChesterDave]

[Fivex]

Can I be banned from this thread please?

[Slinky Skills]

Can I be banned from this thread please?

Atrocious aren't they.

I've got another **** one, I'll post it in a minute.

[Slinky Skills]

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.

In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.

Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.

[Irishnev]

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.

In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.

Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean.

Eating all those **** pies ****ed up your stomach I reckon!

[Slinky Skills]

Eating all those **** pies ****ed up your stomach I reckon!

Ha ha ha I've still got the ****s you know, three weeks that is now.

[baitman]

Ha ha ha I've still got the ****s you know, three weeks that is now.

its the bad aids, **** joke payback.

[Slinky Skills]

its the bad aids, **** joke payback.

I think it is mate, better quit with the bad jokes.

[Fivex]

That last one raised a chuckle from me

[Slinky Skills]

Ha ha ha cheers mate!

[ChesterDave]

A joke about the new pound coin has been named the funniest of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

Ken Cheng won the 10th annual Dave's Funniest Joke Of The Fringe with: "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change."

The joke, from his show Ken Cheng: Chinese Comedian, won 33% of a public vote on a shortlist of gags picked by comedy critics.

Previous winners include Tim Vine, Stewart Francis and Zoe Lyons.

Cheng told BBC Radio 4's Today programme he was surprised the joke won the award because it had been a "groaner".

"Audiences tends to groan at it a lot," he said.

"I'm generally going after laughs, but I'll take the groan."

Cheng said he came up with the joke when the government announced plans for the new 12-sided £1 coin in 2014.

Asked to pick what joke he thought was the funniest besides his own, he said Frankie Boyle's.

Cheng studied maths at Cambridge for a year before dropping out to play online poker professionally.

His big break in showbiz came when he reached the final of the 2015 BBC Radio New Comedy Award.

On winning the Dave prize, Cheng said: "I am very proud to have won.

"As a tribute, I will name my firstborn son after this award and call him 'Joke of the Fringe'."
The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff

13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

The award, which was voted on by 2,000 people, lists jokes anonymously to avoid any bias towards well-known comedians.

Steve North, general manager of Dave, said: "From Trump and veganism to the new pound coin, this year's news agenda has certainly also provided some great inspiration for comedians to get grips with.

"It's fantastic to see that, even after ten years of the Joke of the Fringe award, there is no shortage of brilliant one-liners delivered at the Festival to get us all laughing."

Masai Graham won last year's award with the gag: "My dad suggested I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-40999000

[Fivex]

These have been getting exponentially worse

[Fan65]

Apparently Brucie died of a seizure, or as Brucie would have put it

"Nice to Seizure, to Seizure nice"