Crap Jokes

[Subby]

I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.
I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh ****s shouting, "Come on My Face."

[PTP]

[Stanbull]

What have Man Utd and Colonel Gadaffi got in common?

Both got murdered by the locals

[Norbs]

[Subby]

A woman walks into a doctor's surgery complaining of stomach pains. The doctor takes some blood and urine samples and gives her a scan. He then says to the woman "I'm just going to run some tests on these so if you come back in a couple of days I'll have the results in." The woman leaves feeling apprehensive but satisfied.

Two days later she returns to the doctors surgery to hear the results of the tests. The doctor says "Well, I hope your ready for plenty of sleepless nights and midnight nappy changes."
"Oh my god I'm pregnant?!" The woman asks gleefully.
"No no no..." the doctor chuckles, "...you've got bowel cancer."

[Victor]

[Muddled]

For weeks I have been waiting for a celebrity to die so I could post a joke about it.

Jim has fixed it for me.

[ChesterDave]

[Stanbull]

The Thai floods are getting worse. A woman who was interviewed on Sky News as she emerged from the floods, said that the water was up to her bollocks...!!

[Subby]

My girlfriend asked me why their aren't many female firemen about.

"The fires don't need to be cleaned love".

[Subby]

I saved a woman being raped yesterday.

As my screensaver....

[MrsB]

[kev776]

[Glenn Hysen]

[Exiled_red]