Crap Jokes

[Liverpel]

Me too please

And me

[Reacher]

Man wearing a trench coat approaches a woman.

Woman says "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"

Man says "Bit of both, this is a rape"

[Reaper]

Gary Glitter has caused a hold up in an east Asian airport by refusing to allow his hand luggage to be checked

[BFG]

[PTP]

- playing footie tonight which will be followed by a few pints - writing some fo these down haha

[Reaper]

I got a Charity appeal letter from the Tourettes Society today.

Apparently for just two pounds a week I can sponsor a child to **** off you stupid cunt pissflapping *******..

[Reaper]

Women are like wine:

I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.

[Reaper]

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you are a paedophile, but you just haven't met the right child yet?

[Reaper]

Old Father O'Malley was strolling through the church grounds one sunny summer evening, when he came upon a little frog sitting by a tree.

"My Lord," he said, picking it up: "You're the saddest, most forlorn-looking frog I've ever seen. I only wish you could speak, so that you might tell me your troubles."

The frog replied, "Actually, I can. You see, I was once a choirboy in this very parish. One day I offended a passing Gypsy, and she put a curse on me that turned me into a talking frog."

"Incredible!" said Father O'Malley. "Is there anything I might do to help you?"

"Actually yes, there is. The Gypsy said that if I can find somebody to take me home and let me sleep in their bed, the curse will be lifted and I'll be back to normal."

"Well," said Father O'Malley, "the good Lord teaches us to be charitable. I think I can manage that."

So Father O'Malley picked up the little frog and put it in his pocket.

That night he placed it gently on the pillow beside him and drifted off into a long, dreamy sleep.

When he awoke the next morning, the frog had turned back into a choirboy, just as it had said it would.





And that, Your Honour, is the case for the defence...

[Reaper]

A friend of mine asked me how to try and convince his girlfriend to have anal sex.

I said, "forgiveness is always easier than permission."

[tommyg]

Old Father O'Malley was strolling through the church grounds one sunny summer evening, when he came upon a little frog sitting by a tree.

"My Lord," he said, picking it up: "You're the saddest, most forlorn-looking frog I've ever seen. I only wish you could speak, so that you might tell me your troubles."

The frog replied, "Actually, I can. You see, I was once a choirboy in this very parish. One day I offended a passing Gypsy, and she put a curse on me that turned me into a talking frog."

"Incredible!" said Father O'Malley. "Is there anything I might do to help you?"

"Actually yes, there is. The Gypsy said that if I can find somebody to take me home and let me sleep in their bed, the curse will be lifted and I'll be back to normal."

"Well," said Father O'Malley, "the good Lord teaches us to be charitable. I think I can manage that."

So Father O'Malley picked up the little frog and put it in his pocket.

That night he placed it gently on the pillow beside him and drifted off into a long, dreamy sleep.

When he awoke the next morning, the frog had turned back into a choirboy, just as it had said it would.





And that, Your Honour, is the case for the defence...

[Scouseinthesouth]

Why does Michael Barrymore have no ashtrays in his house?

He puts all the fags out in the pool.

[BFG]

[Subby]

[the rev leeroy brown]

Old Father O'Malley was strolling through the church grounds one sunny summer evening, when he came upon a little frog sitting by a tree.

"My Lord," he said, picking it up: "You're the saddest, most forlorn-looking frog I've ever seen. I only wish you could speak, so that you might tell me your troubles."

The frog replied, "Actually, I can. You see, I was once a choirboy in this very parish. One day I offended a passing Gypsy, and she put a curse on me that turned me into a talking frog."

"Incredible!" said Father O'Malley. "Is there anything I might do to help you?"

"Actually yes, there is. The Gypsy said that if I can find somebody to take me home and let me sleep in their bed, the curse will be lifted and I'll be back to normal."

"Well," said Father O'Malley, "the good Lord teaches us to be charitable. I think I can manage that."

So Father O'Malley picked up the little frog and put it in his pocket.

That night he placed it gently on the pillow beside him and drifted off into a long, dreamy sleep.

When he awoke the next morning, the frog had turned back into a choirboy, just as it had said it would.





And that, Your Honour, is the case for the defence...

that is brilliant!!!