Crap Jokes

[tufty]

of all the puppets to choose from

I wonder if he thought

" I'll tease her with this one, its ****in eyes are the spit "

[Johnny]

Before anyone starts - this is the bad taste thread.

How`s that bad taste???


she`s been hoping for her brother to return after his long running sucess on SS.

[kev776]

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing.

'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.'

'Yes, I remember him as a baby' says the other mother cheerfully.

'He's a martyr now though' mum confides.

'Oh, so sad dear' says the other.

'And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21'

'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair when he was born.'

'He's a martyr too' says mum quietly.

'Oh, gracious me ...' Says the other.

'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18, she whispers.'

'Yes' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school'

'He's a martyr also,' says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...

'They blow up so fast, don't they?'

[tufty]

I'd just dropped my parents off at the Airport and went to the departure lounge for a coffee

I'm sat there reading the paper when suddenly this arab looking fella comes running in shouting


" Allah "

" Allah "

" Allah "

" Alava pint of lager please "



stuttering ****, I nearly shat myself !!

[Reaper]

Soft ****

[badpiggy]

I'd just dropped my parents off at the Airport and went to the departure lounge for a coffee

I'm sat there reading the paper when suddenly this arab looking fella comes running in shouting


" Allah "

" Allah "

" Allah "

" Alava pint of lager please



stuttering ****, I nearly shat myself !!

[Reaper]

What do Harold Shipman and Gary Glitter have in common?

They both enjoyed euthanasia.

[tufty]

Michael Jacksons having a bath with his young son

" Daddy why are our winkies so different ? "

" Its because daddys is erect "



h:

[Elvoz]

a man walks past an ice cream stand that advertises, "Every flavour ice cream in the world."

"Bull****," thinks the man and walks in. "So you say you have every flavour ice cream in the world?" "O.K., I would like three scoops of cunt flavoured ice cream please."

"No problem sir." The assistant gives the man three scoops of ice cream in a cone and the man takes a good lick.

Grimacing, he says, "This doesn't taste like cunt, it tastes like ****!" The assistant replies,

"Of course it tastes like **** when you take such long licks

[Elvoz]

Two men are sitting in a restaurant. There is also a gypsy woman sitting opposite to them with her legs wide spread.

One man says: "Look, she has such dark hair on her genitals!" the other says: "Oh no, it isn't hair, it is dark panties!" Then they made a bet - £100 . A waiter goes by so they ask him to find out for them.

He did so, but takes all the money and walks away. "What happened, why are you taking the money?!" Asked the waiter.

He replies: "Neither of you was right! She had her period and there were flies on her!"

[the rev leeroy brown]

The husband says to his wife, "You have three choices: you can come hunting with me, you can let me **** you in the arse or you can give me a blowjob."

The wife, not being interested in hunting and not feeling in the mood to be anally probed, opts for the blowjob.

While she is down there, doing her best effort, she looks up at her husband and says, "Honey, your dick tastes like ****!"

To which the husband replies, "Yeah, the dog didn't want to go hunting either."


A wee boy asks his mum "why am I black and you are white?"
"Don't even ask" she replies, "When i think back to that party, you're ****ing lucky you don't bark!"

[felly]

What the difference between jam and custard....

...You cant custard your cock into a old mans mouth.

[Elvoz]

joe kinnear




worst appointment as a caretaker since










ian huntley

[Laz]

A rather loud bloke was overheard at the bar telling this joke

"What do you do when your washing machine breaks down?"

"Chuck your washing in a bath with an epileptic!"

A particularly large guy overhears this and leans over to the joke-teller and says;

"My brother was epileptic and he died in the bath a year ago."

Panicking now the first fella says "Oh ****, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any offence, I, er, did your brother drown?"

"No, he choked on a sock."

[Reaper]

Ultimate phone prank:

1. Call the Childline number and say, "I've just pressed redial and this number came up, who is this?"

2. Operator replies, "You're through to Childline."

3. You shout, "TERRY, YOU LITTLE CUNT, NOT AGAIN....COME HERE YOU LITTLE *******" before hanging up the phone.