Crap Jokes

[red g]

all of these people who keep saying " well yes Michael Jackson ****ed kids but he was a great singer" make me sick. No One mentions what a cracking builder Fred West was or how good Ian Huntly was at caretaking! Peter Sutcliffe's lorry driving was ****ing superb!

[5europeancups]

PUBLIC TOILET users. When you realise the person in the next cubicle is holding fire until you leave, simply open and close the toilet door without leaving.

Their first plop can then be greeted with a huge ****ing cheer.

thats my style of humour!!!

[Reaper]

Have yet to test it out Jon but rest assured I WILL

[Assassin]

I'm quite worried what my little girl is up to lately. Today she was imitating the doggy position with her Barbie and Ken dolls

I said 'Be careful as you might end up with lots of baby dolls if you do that' she said 'It's OK Ken is ****ing Barbie up her arse'

[Reaper]

Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.

[Reaper]

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he's married.

[Aza]

Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.

[cadmium]

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz chord !".

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.
The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord". A bit annoyed by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.
The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a jazz chord". Really angry now that this guy doesn't seem to appreciate his playing ability. Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smartypants. You get up here and do it!"

The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike and starts to sing .....

" A jazz chord to say I ruv you..."

[The Glove]

Cliff Richard is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice "Sing tits and fanny, TITS AND FANNY!".

'What?' says Cliff, 'Im a born again Christian, I dont sing tits and fanny'

'You Criff Lichard, me big fan, you sing Tits and fanny'

'Listen mate, honestly, I wouldnt sing such a song, thats filth that is'

'No, you risten, you Criff, me big fan, you sing, Tits and fanny'

'Look ok, You sing tits and fanny cos I certainly do not'

Japanese fella gets up on stage, takes the microphone and sings...


"Tits and fanny, how re dot talk anymore"

[Reaper]

Am I the only one who thinks Michael Jackson should have got his doctors from the same place he got his lawyers?

[Reaper]

[Reaper]

My daughter came out of the closet today.











I'm just pissed off that I can't afford a cellar like that show off Austrian cunt.

[The Glove]

My daughter came out of the closet today.

I'm just pissed off that I can't afford a cellar like that show off Austrian cunt.

Whats the biggest cause of paedophilia in Britian?



Sexy kids.

[Reaper]

If you receive an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tinned pork - delete it - it's spam.

[Reaper]

Rubens Barrichello must be awesome at Mario Kart.