Crap Jokes

[Fernandinho]

Haha my old man told me that one a few years ago.

[Subby]

Just asked my barber for a Justin Bieber haircut.

****ing **** just shaved my pubes off.

[Drago]

Derry lad in Amsterdam goes into a brothel and asks for the fattest,ugliest girl they have,
with the saggiest tits and a fanny like a vandalised bus seat.

the Madam said "are we feeling kinky tonight sir?"
he replied, "NO......................just homesick!"

[Gray]

A female referee has been given the United v City derby match on Saturday.
Kick off has been delayed for an hour to give her time to park her car...

[Norbs]

Well I thought this was funny..

[dave edwards]

Well I thought this was funny..

[dave edwards]

Derry lad in Amsterdam goes into a brothel and asks for the fattest,ugliest girl they have,
with the saggiest tits and a fanny like a vandalised bus seat.

the Madam said "are we feeling kinky tonight sir?"
he replied, "NO......................just homesick!"

[Subby]

A Valentines Day Card fell onto my door mat this morning.

I put it straight in the bin because I knew exactly who it was from.

It was my postman, I saw him walking up the driveway, the ****ing queer cunt.



I saw a woman in the supermarket, struggling to control her kids. She looked really stressed. Then she accidently knocked over and smashed a bottle of milk.

She dropped to her knees and burst into tears, surrounded by spilled milk. It reminded me of something my dad used to say to my mum, so I walked over to her and said;

"Get a ****ing grip, you stupid bitch."






If Jimmy has to have 14 shirts ironed by 4:30, and it is 3:00 now, and only 1 shirt can be ironed every 10 minutes:

How hard does Jimmy need to beat his wife to get the ironing finished on time?








Designers of the London Olympic stadium have been advised to use lower power floodlights than the ones used in China after they noticed that 90% of the crowd seemed to be squinting.




Subway is similar to prostitution. You pay other people to do your wife's job.

[dave edwards]

[QUOTE=Subby;1894825]A Valentines Day Card fell onto my door mat this morning.


I saw a woman in the supermarket, struggling to control her kids. She looked really stressed. Then she accidently knocked over and smashed a bottle of milk.

She dropped to her knees and burst into tears, surrounded by spilled milk. It reminded me of something my dad used to say to my mum, so I walked over to her and said;

"Get a ****ing grip, you stupid bitch."

[QUOTE]

[Drago]

My missus said my cock reminds her of her favourite supermarket...

i said why? cause its well stocked and fulfils her every need?

she said No cause its Lidl......

[Norbs]

[kev776]

A Jehova's Witness knocked on my door last night, so I took him in, sat him down in the living room, gave him a cup of tea and asked him what he would like to talk about.

He shook his head and replied "**** Knows I've never got this far before"

[RoadEnd]

Did you hear about the spastic who won the disco dancing competition?



He only crossed the dancefloor to buy a bag of crisps

[Subby]

Walkers are set to launch their Comic Relief range of crisps in Korea, where 'Jack Russell Howard' is expected to be the favourite.



Why are black people such good dancers?

They spend their first nine months trying to dodge a coathanger.

[JBOX]

It being Valintines day last week, i booked a table for myself and the missus. I shouldnt have bothered, it always ends in tears! She's terrible at snooker.