Crap Jokes

[Drago]

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

[Drago]

A store that sells new husbands has opened in London, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

[PaddyPool]

2 cracker .

[PaddyPool]

2 crackers .

Sorry mods

[Norbs]

I got plaster in my ear today, anyone know the best way to get it out?

[Subby]

What's the worst thing about marrying Siamese twins?

When they've both got an headache on the same night.

[Subby]

Wayne Rooney's video game out now: Pre-Evolution Soccer.

[Arn]

Clicky

[JBOX]

It's said that you could be living beside a pedofile and never know... Not me, I live beside 2 sexy 10 year olds.

[Drago]

[Kenneth]

Clicky

[Stanbull]

My wife left me yesterday, she said I think about football more than I think about her. I'm devastated, I've been with her for 12 seasons

[PaddyPool]

Two lads drop in for a pint after work one evening .
In the corner they see Tony their mate crying his eyes out.
One of em asks the barman whats up with Tony .
Barman says -you know his wife left him last week .
Yes reply the two friends .
She came home this morning replied the barman.

[Drago]

[Subby]

Roses are red, so is red glitter,

I'm tired of your vadge lets lube up your ****ter.