Crap Jokes

[Subby]

no it falls into the "poor" category

[Subby]

"Simon says jump up and down."

"Simon says turn around."

"Simon says touch your toes."

"Simon says lift your skirt."

"Simon says stop crying."

"Simon says don't tell anyone you little slut or I'll come back and kill you."

[Subby]

My daughter has been following the Leveson enquiry.
She takes it very seriously, and is writing a poem for her school project.
''Dad'' She asked. ''What ryhmes with Tony Blair?''
I said. ''Hair''
''And what about Murdock''
''Burdock'' I said.
''One more dad, Jeremy Hunt''
I was stumped on that one....

[Subby]

My boss called me today and said, "Where the hell are you?"

I said, "I'm relaxing in the garden with my mate Dave. I'm already on my fourth can of lager."

"I don't ****ing believe you!" he shouted.

"Hang on," I said, holding the phone away from me. "Dave, isn't this my fourth can?"

[Subby]

Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because Atomic bombs are pretty bright.

[Red_Polo]

The worst thing about that joke is it can't even target the right group of people!

Not up to the usual Subster standard

[Subby]

Mario Balotelli has said he will kill anyone who throws a banana at him.

Personally I just think he's a sore loser at Mario Kart.

[Subby]

You can always tell a guy masturbates a lot, by his hands.

If you look closely, you'll see a wedding ring.

[MelBird]

Angela Merkel recently arrived at Greece's Athens International Airport in light of the recent economic crisis. At customs she was asked her name, her response 'Merkel.' Her nationality? To which she replied 'German'. Occupation? 'No just a couple of days'.

[The Glove]

Cliff Richard was in China when a fan came up shouting,*
"Criff, Criff I'm ur biggest fan. Me ruv ur songs my favourite is Itchy Sore Fanny."*
Cliff's a bit shocked and says*
" I've never sung such a song ".
"Yes u have Criff, It goes*
ITCHY SORE FANNY how we dont talk anymore "

Change it to Tits and Fanny and you have a winner.

[Lee]

Two eggs boiling in a pan. One egg says to the other "I've got a huge crack!"

The other egg replies "Stop ****ing teasing me, I'm not hard yet"

[Tee]

That was a runny yolk. Sorry, funny joke.

[Red_Polo]

Oh ffs, Tee. Don't egg him on.

[sean_lfc]

You really scrambled some pretty foul ones together there, Subby

[slaine]

omm... lette the guy have his moment... his brain is probably fried, that's why he poached the joke... he's a bit scrambled.... at least he got it oeuf to a start