Crap Jokes

[JohnOK]

"Go and have a look at the size of the **** I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.

"No thanks," she replied.

"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it."

She pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."

I said, "It's on the scales."

[tufty]

[Stanbull]

Freddie Star's 34 year old fiancee said this morning she has never had any reason to think Freddie was a pedophile in all the 25 years they have been together

[baitman]

deleted

[Assassin]

deleted

[Bender] [/Bender]

[McDermotX]

[jono]

Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free
It's women who make it hard !!

[baitman]

[Bender] [/Bender]

benderesque

[kev776]

Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears.
"We can't see each other anymore...." she sobbed.
"Why?" gasped Declan.

"Daddy says crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you, a mere crab, and a poor one at that, are the lowest class of crustacean... and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."
Declan was shattered, and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness and to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.
That night, the great Lobster Ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.
Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in.
The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne.
Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the floor...and all could see that he was walking not sideways, but FORWARDS, one claw after another!

Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King Lobster in the eye.

There was a deadly hush. Finally, Declan spoke..............

"Fcuk, I'm pissed."

[kev776]

Stoke Mandeville Hospital have banned Father Christmas ..they can't stand another white haired old man emptying his sack !

[Leyton388]

Whats the difference between a tyre and 365 condoms?

Ones a good year and ones a bloody good year.

[Kloppster]

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? ..........An irrelephant."

[Shaggy]

[Kenneth]

Looks cosy.

[Boogs]

wots the difference between LFC and jimmy saville? ?????? jimmy saville could finish young boy's off at home