Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Crap Jokes

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 220
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 43 93 133 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 153 193 220 template Next
    #2131
    Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favourite s*x
    positions.
    One said, " think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
    "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What
    is it ?"
    "Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her
    from behind.
    Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and
    whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's.' "
    Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds.
    Stop the cyberhate


    from now on I will skip talking about our finances. That is a promise and will save myself from looking like a

    Susan Black

    Comment

      #2132
      two gay cowboys talking ....

      first one says " y'up "
      other replies " y'ep "


      or the two gay Scots, Ben Doon and Phil McCaverty



      Keep this quiet
      if you carefully grind off the edges of a 50p coin you can use it as a 10p


      Comment

        #2133
        A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.

        The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be
        willing to run the shop on her own. She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.

        "Look," he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they'll ask for
        A 310 [small] a 320 [medium] or a 330 [large]. The word condom won't even be
        used.

        The first day was fine but on the second day a huge black guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "380". The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament. "Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs", her boss told her.

        She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs.
        "Yes!" she said "He's got one hanging there!"

        "Go back in and give him £3.80, he's the window cleaner!"
        Those that hid Anne Frank were breaking the law.
        Those that killed her, were following the law.

        Comment

          #2134



          Keep this quiet
          if you carefully grind off the edges of a 50p coin you can use it as a 10p


          Comment

            #2135
            Originally posted by tufty View Post
            two gay cowboys talking ....

            first one says " y'up "
            other replies " y'ep "


            or the two gay Scots, Ben Doon and Phil McCaverty
            Or the two gay Irishmen - Morris Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmorris

            Comment

              #2136
              A blonde woman goes to the hospital.
              "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
              "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

              The Doctor had a look, chuckled, and said, "Those aren't postage stamps my dear,
              they're the stickers off the bananas"

              Comment

                #2137
                Originally posted by Leyton388 View Post
                A blonde woman goes to the hospital.
                "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
                "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

                The Doctor had a look, chuckled, and said, "Those aren't postage stamps my dear,
                they're the stickers off the bananas"
                Hahahahahaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
                "Its not about the long ball or the short ball, its about the right ball." Bob Paisley

                Comment

                  #2138
                  My wife and I were on holiday and after a few sambucas and hours of hard persuasion, she finally agreed to take it up the arse.
                  I was over the ****ing moon, because there was absolutely no way I could get another 8 pouches of Golden Virginia in our case!
                  Last edited by kev776; 30-09-13, 09:14 AM.
                  Those that hid Anne Frank were breaking the law.
                  Those that killed her, were following the law.

                  Comment

                    #2139
                    Originally posted by Leyton388 View Post
                    A blonde woman goes to the hospital.
                    "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
                    "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

                    The Doctor had a look, chuckled, and said, "Those aren't postage stamps my dear,
                    they're the stickers off the bananas"
                    Originally posted by kev776 View Post
                    My wife and I were on holiday and after a few sambucas and hours of hard persuasion, she finally agreed to take it up the arse.
                    I was over the ****ing moon, because there was absolutely no way I could get another 8 pouches of Golden Virginia in our case!





                    Keep this quiet
                    if you carefully grind off the edges of a 50p coin you can use it as a 10p


                    Comment

                      #2140
                      nicked from twitter....

                      I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, "Oi, what's your disability?"
                      I said, "Tourettes! Now **** off you cunt!"

                      Comment

                        #2141
                        I went into a greasy Joes in Wales and there was a bloke sat staring at a full bowl of tater ash, after about 20 minutes I asked him whether he was going to eat it.

                        "No, don't much care for it," so I asked if I could have it.

                        "Help yourself." he said, so I got a fresh spoon from the counter and tucked in, it was still warm at least. Just as I got to the bottom there was a dead mouse, eww! FFS, I threw the lot back up in the bowl.

                        The old geezer said "Yup, that's as far as I got too.".
                        Those that hid Anne Frank were breaking the law.
                        Those that killed her, were following the law.

                        Comment

                          #2142
                          America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns?
                          ---------------------------------------------

                          Tom Clancy has announced his next game Rainbow 6: feet under

                          ------------------------------------------------

                          Comment

                            #2143
                            Originally posted by Leyton388 View Post
                            America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns?
                            ---------------------------------------------

                            Tom Clancy has announced his next game Rainbow 6: feet under

                            ------------------------------------------------
                            That Tom Clancy joke would have to set a new world speed record.
                            "That's how I found myself on the Kop that day I had my blue-and-white scarf safely tucked away inside my coat as I listened to Liverpool songs and swayed with the masses.

                            Then City scored and I screeched and this big bloke, a Liverpool supporter, made towards me and I thought he was going to throttle me. But he just pulled my scarf from under my coat so it lay on the outside, and said: "You should always be proud of your colours, lad."

                             Lee Chapman - Arsenal and England defender

                            Comment

                              #2144
                              Statement from #XFactor "No crocodiles were harmed in the making of tonights tears !"
                              'and boy could he play!.

                              Comment

                                #2145
                                just got back from Chester Zoo

                                My favourite part was the Antelope

                                watching this little insect running off holding hands with his childhood sweetheart was very moving



                                Keep this quiet
                                if you carefully grind off the edges of a 50p coin you can use it as a 10p


                                Comment

                                Previous 1 43 93 133 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 153 193 220 template Next
                                Working...
                                X