Crap Jokes

[Norbs]

Last night my mate has just found out he is both gay and dyslexic

He's still in daniel

[Johnny H]

Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my bum!

Do you think I should change dentists?

[Tee]

Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my bum!

Do you think I should change dentists?

Depends if you enjoyed it or not.

[jono]

Depends if you enjoyed it or not.

He was just filling a cavity.

[Johnny H]

He was just filling a cavity.

Which strangely enough was his name. Phil McAverty.

Not really. It was Phil McCrackin.

[rodo]

utd fans are gutted that rooney is missing the semi final against city even brian robson has got a lump in his throat

[Gibbo]

[Kinell]

[Subby]

How do you get a Manc girl pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the rest....

[JohnOK]

Just got home from the World Blindfold Wanking Championship.

I've no idea where I came.

[JohnOK]

What do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheelbarrow?

****ing killed you stupid *******.

[GTi]

Police have rearrested Gary Glitter, they found class a drugs in his lounge, class b drugs in his kitchen and class 5c in his bedroom

[Gray]

A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
*
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
*
As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him.

To show the others who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realising his employer won't be best pleased;

He disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.


Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house,
*
He is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.
*
He swipes at two chimps with a spade, killing them both.
*
What can he do?
*
Feed them to the lions, he says to himself,
*
Because lions eat anything.
*
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.


He moved on to the last job,* Which is to collect honey from the South African bees.
As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees.
*
He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.

By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage -* because lions eat anything.


Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.
*
He wanders up to the other lions and says
*
'What's the food like here?'
*
The lions say:
*
'Absolutely brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees.'

[Kloppster]

A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
*
First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
*
As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him.

To show the others who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realising his employer won't be best pleased;

He disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.


Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house,
*
He is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.
*
He swipes at two chimps with a spade, killing them both.
*
What can he do?
*
Feed them to the lions, he says to himself,
*
Because lions eat anything.
*
He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.


He moved on to the last job,* Which is to collect honey from the South African bees.
As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees.
*
He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.

By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage -* because lions eat anything.


Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.
*
He wanders up to the other lions and says
*
'What's the food like here?'
*
The lions say:
*
'Absolutely brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees.'

Feckin brilliant, laughing me head off :-)

[Kenneth]