Crap Jokes

[EwarWoo]

Ooooh. Now that's poor taste.

[cadmium]

Quick tip lads.

Never buy underpants from the Ukraine because Chernobyl fallout

[Slinky Skills]

What do you call two fat people having a chat?

A heavy conversation.

[baitman]

What do you call two fat people having a chat?

A heavy conversation.

you're funnier when you've had a proper drink

[EwarWoo]

The roads of Saudia Arabia suddenly became less safe.

[baitman]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place.
The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The barman screams at the guy "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
He just ate the cue ball off my pool table--whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little *******.
Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out, and eats it.
The barman is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his arse, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the barman. "
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball,
HE MEASURES EVERY THING FIRST.

[baitman]

BREAKING...
Everton Football Club have submitted a request to UEFA to get last nights result overturned against Cypriot minnows Apollon Limassol... Apparently the gas fitter who plays in midfield wasnt Corgi registered.....

[EwarWoo]

[Slinky Skills]

A Penguin goes to a Garage and says to the mechanic. "I think something's wrong my car, can you take a look at it?"

"Mechanic's like yeah, no probs. Come back in an hour."

The Penguin mooches off into town for a bit, sees an ice cream shop and buys a 99 ice cream and heads back to the Garage. By this point he has ice cream all over his mouth.

When he gets there the Mechanic says "I think you've blown a seal mate", the Penguin says "It was an ice cream not a seal"

[Slinky Skills]

A penguin walks into a bar, puzzled look on his face and says to the Barman "I've lost my mate, have you seen him?"

Barman says "Dunno mate, what does he look like?"

[spud_gun]

Knock Knock

[Kenneth]

[spud_gun]

Ahem.....knock knock

[Norbs]

Not tonight, thanks

[poorscousertommy]

The wife found me crouched in her wardrobe the other day.

"What you doing in there?!" she exclaimed....


"Narnia ****ing business" I replied.............