Crap Jokes

[Mr Darko]

What do you call a fast zombie?

A zoooombie

What do you call a snake that studies past events?

A hisssstorian

[Leyton388]

[ChesterDave]

Stealing that for Facebook

[Subby]

What can you jump over that's a hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

[Subby]

What's big and tastes like penis?

My secretary's Christmas bonus.

[Subby]

After I pulled this girl and took her home, I left her on the couch while I made some 'preparations':

"I'm sorry for keeping you" I said when I joined her.

"You've not been that long" she replied.

"You've misunderstood," I said, "I mean you're not leaving."

[Subby]

Last night there was an insect flying around the room, eventually after a few minutes it started flying straight towards my face suddenly it exploded right in front of me.

It was a Jihadi long legs.

[fah-q]

Plus I'm not sure Wetherspoons is 40 years old.

[Red_Polo]

That's just sad

[kev776]

Reunion Lunch
A group of ex-servicemen, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for a reunion lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the local Wetherspoon's because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.
.
Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the local Wetherspoon's because the food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the local Wetherspoon's because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet, and it was good value for money.
Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the local Wetherspoon's because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the local Wetherspoon's because they had never been there before.

[Paddy]

Met a beautiful girl at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!

Spoken just like Charles Manson

[Mr Darko]

Met a beautiful girl at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!

[Slinky Skills]

A guy and his Thai bride were sat together eating some sweets out of a bag.

She picked one out, put in her mouth and said "These sweets are Haribo."

The guy said "Well don't eat them then."

[Muddled]

Poor / bad taste joke.

[Slinky Skills]

Last night there was an insect flying around the room, eventually after a few minutes it started flying straight towards my face suddenly it exploded right in front of me.

It was a Jihadi long legs.