Crap Jokes

[badpiggy]

It won Best Joke of World War 2 according to its Wikipedia entry.

[Norbs]

I love that joke and have done since my childhood

[kev776]

A man sees a sign outside a house 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the
bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back
garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.

"Yes," the Labrador replies.

After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So,
tell me your story."

The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI6.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.

But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."

The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much
he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid," the owner says.

"£10!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him
so cheaply?"

"Because he's a lying *******. He's never been out of the garden.

[baitman]

love it.

[kev776]

My wife announced to me yesterday that she'd had enough of my sarcastic ways and was tired of me correcting her all the time.
She said "We have reached a crossroads in our relationship. I can turn right and change, to which she would stay. Or turn left and carry on in my obnoxious ways and she would leave"
I replied with "I think you will find that's a ****ing 'T' junction"

[brightred]

I hate double standards...

When a woman buys a rampant rabbit, its seen as a bit of naughty fun.

But when I get out my 240 volt Fist-master 5000 electronic latex cunt with high resistance anus, immitation **** dribble & built in realistic rape cry sound system, then suddenly i'm some kind of sick pervert...

[Slinky Skills]

Have you been in the crackers early?

No mate, just nabbed them off a **** joke site.

[RoadEnd]

I don't know if it was specifically that tweet but a chap from Sunderland is being investigated for 'malicious' communication in relation to a tweet about the incident. He handed himself in to a police station last night

It was probably the "bin laden" joke that has been going around. Let's hope the police don't check this thread out.

[Subby]

I was going to ask the same thing Obe lol

[Oberon]

Why did the thief go for a shower before robbing the bank?

Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

How did the frog die I hear you say?

He Kermit suicide.

Have you been in the crackers early?

[Slinky Skills]

How did the frog die I hear you say?

He Kermit suicide.

[Slinky Skills]

Why did the thief go for a shower before robbing the bank?

Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

[ChesterDave]

I don't know if it was specifically that tweet but a chap from Sunderland is being investigated for 'malicious' communication in relation to a tweet about the incident. He handed himself in to a police station last night

[Kenneth]

Arrested for ?

[ChesterDave]

Presumably that is the same joke that the lad from Sunderland was arrested for?