Crap Jokes

[kev776]

An American jockey is about to enter a race on a new horse in Ireland.
The horse's trainer an irishman meets him before the race and says, "All ya have ta remember wid dis horse is dat every time ye approach a jump, ye have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear, Providing ye do dat, you'll be grand."
The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command.
The race begins and they approach the first hurdle.
The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
They carry on and approach the second hurdle.
The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear.
The same thing happens - the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.
At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly.
Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This
continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.
The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong?.
The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me - it's this bloody horse, What is he ****ing-deaf or something?"
The trainer replies, "Deaf? Deaf?! He's not deaf, He's fecking blind!"

[kingfunk]

Harry Redknapp was asked what he thought of the potential transfer of Ebola from Africa. Harry replied: "triffic player is Ebola, nearly signed him for Spurs, trific lad too, all the best to him.."

[Steve001]

BBC Letter

Date: 30 June 2014


Mr James Smith,
206 Andover Road,
Salisbury,
Wiltshire.

Dear Mr Smith,

Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show.

I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her and agree that she may possess the attributes we are looking for in the show's contestants. However, before we take this any further, I must point out that the name of the show is actually 'Fact Hunt' !

In light of this, please let me know if we should proceed and contact the lady concerned.

Yours,

Charles Knight.
Light Entertainment,
BBC Television Centre,
London.

[Norbs]

Llo

[Leyton388]

"Haha! I'm ****ing ROFL!"

Said Mr Harris' dyslexic cell mate.

[Fivex]

Poor/Bad Taste Jokes

There was a clue in the heading

Well in Tapatalk on my phone you just see a still of the video and the play button.

I said "this is from that Shaggy bloke, it's bound to be hilarious"

It wasn't!!

Our faces would have made an awesome internet meme.

[Harv]

Brazilian fart porn, those were the days

The one where her hair blows in the wind wind was the best

[Shaggy]

WTF man

Brought back memories of the other farting vid you posted in the NSFW section years ago!

It was that clip I searched for but it appears to have been taken down.

[Shaggy]

Ffs just watched it with the missus

There was a clue in the heading

[Norbs]

There was a clue in the heading

[Fivex]

Ffs just watched it with the missus

[Boogs]

Brought back memories of the other farting vid you posted in the NSFW section years ago!

[Daffy Duck]

WTF man

[Shaggy]

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62P9YJkh5jM"]very hot very sexy brazilian girls farting loud - YouTube[/ame]

[Sconniee2]

Why do dwarves make bad parents??

They struggle to put food on the table...