Crap Jokes

[Le Chef]

Just having a discussion with a vegan.
I asked if they knew the difference between a lentil and a chickpea
They waffled on for a bit before I stopped them.
No, the difference is, I've never had a lentil on my face.

[Fivex]

[baitman]

Just having a discussion with a vegan.
I asked if they knew the difference between a lentil and a chickpea
They waffled on for a bit before I stopped them.
No, the difference is, I've never had a lentil on my face.

[Norbs]

[SB]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Le Chef]

Saw Jack Whitehall yesterday, fair play, was expectig a car crash, he was pretty fuking funny

[Fosterbloke]

[Shaggy]

The Pope is handing out miracles to little kids in Salford. Young Wayne, 7, walks on the stage and asks the Pope "can you help me with my hearing?"

The Pope says "Yes certainly", and puts his hands on Wayne's ears and prays. He removes his hands and says "How is your hearing now?" and little Wayne from Salford says "I don't ****ing know, it's not until next Wednesday"

[baitman]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

[bacon]

A friend of mine has a really bad stutter, his nana died.
By the time he'd finished telling us we were all singing Hey Jude...

Wow

[RedReet]

A friend of mine has a really bad stutter, his nana died.
By the time he'd finished telling us we were all singing Hey Jude...

[baitman]

A friend of mine has a really bad stutter, his nana died.
By the time he'd finished telling us we were all singing Hey Jude...

[baitman]

A man in a bar starts talking to a prostitute…
He says “how much for a hand job?” She says it’s £250.
He says, “ £250 for a lousy hand job? That’s crazy! “She says, “Honey, follow me" and takes him outside.
“See that Ferrari? I bought that Ferrari just with money from hand jobs. I give the best in the world”
So he figures he’ll try it, and what do you know, it’s great.
It’s a week before he’s horny again. So he goes back to the same bar and asked her about a blowjob. She says "it’s £500. He thinks that’s too much. She says, “Honey, come out back. See that mansion up on the hill? I bought that mansion with just money from blowjobs. I give the best blow jobs.” So he takes her up on it and it’s amazing.
He’s absolutely drained for a month. Now he’s obsessed and he has to go back. He finds her in the bar. Desperately, he says “I gotta know, how much for the pussy?” “Oh honey,” she says, “If I had one of those I’d own this town.”....🤣

[bacon]

Is "blowjob" one word or is it "blow job" ? I hate writing Valentine's cards.

[Fosterbloke]

What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones.

But…. (Finish it )

That's one for the older kids!