Crap Jokes

[Norbs]

[Slinky Skills]

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.

Should have put it on aloha setting.

[baitman]

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex:

"Tarzan not know sex!" He replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said. "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree!"

Horrified, she said. "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly!"

She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here!" She said. "You must put it in here!"

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right between her legs.

Jane rolled around in agony, but manages to gasp for air and screamed. "What did you do that for?"

"Tarzan check for bees!" 🤭 🐝...

[baitman]

[bacon]

My girlfriend has never had an orgasm before , the doctor said that she could be over heating during sex. So I decided to get my mate dave round to waft a towel on us while we're in the act. After 20 minutes of wafting, still no orgasm so dave suggested a swap. Ill shag her and u waft the towel. Whithin seconds she was screaming with pleasure she finaly had the best orgasm ever. I then turned to my mate Dave & said "that my son, is how you waft a ****ing towel."

[Norbs]

No..

[baitman]

Q. Why are women like floor tiles ?

A. If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for the rest of your life

[Norbs]

[rudedog]

Traffic was a nightmare on my way home tonight, an ice cream van had crashed round the corner from my house. The whole area was coned off.

[kev776]

My daughter just walked into the living room and said : "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV and stereo and iPhone and iPod and my laptop.
Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.”
Well, she didn't put it quite like that, she actually said... “Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports Everton"

[baitman]

Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Daffy says to Elmer "is this whiskey?" Elmer says, "yeth but not as whiskey and wobbing a bank."

Withpec'

[Norbs]

[badpiggy]

Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Daffy says to Elmer "is this whiskey?" Elmer says, "yeth but not as whiskey and wobbing a bank."

[Fosterbloke]

Quick - someone run around to Goodison and check the lights.

Don't send Pickford though..

[jono]

Jose Mourinho gets a letter delivered to his house in Rome.
Opens it, it's an electricity bill for £17,000 forwarded on from Manchester United Football Club..
He rings the club, "I think there's been a mistake, you sent me a bill but I haven't worked for you for years."
No Jose sorry, but there’s no mistake......
You were the last person in the trophy room in 2017 and you left the ****ing light on!"

Quick - someone run around to Goodison and check the lights.