Crap Jokes

[RedAndWhite]

What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones.

But…. (Finish it )

[Buzzo]

What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones.

But…. (Finish it )

[Slinky Skills]

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands.

[Slinky Skills]

[Norbs]

[Irishnev]

[ame="https://twitter.com/paddyraffcomedy/status/1613569557444050946"]https://twitter.com/paddyraffcomedy/status/1613569557444050946[/ame]

[bacon]

A slightly drunk woman is watching tv and yells

"Don't go there! Don't go to the church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks "What are you watching ?"

"Our wedding video"

[baitman]

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch.
He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’
The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.
That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

[Slinky Skills]

[ame="https://youtu.be/oDz1VvLHamw"]It's an emu!!! - YouTube[/ame]

[frank the tank]

A truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'
The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'

Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..
' Same for me,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say!!

[baitman]

A nun is having a bath when there's a knock at the door.
The nun shouts 'who is it?'
A man at the door says ' it's the the blind man'
The nun replies "well come in'
The man enters and says 'nice tits but where do you want the blinds?'

[Kenneth]

Okay

[slaine]

Sorry not to live up to your high standards... you are clearly a god amongst men...

[Kenneth]

You know how it goes..

Yawn.

Truth be told, I read your post in real-time and thought it was a joke until I read the whole post.

[slaine]

I was waiting for the punchline.

Sorry, your intellectual dry wit left me confused... Who were you replying to?